rabbit blog


Thursday, June 26, 2003


WHAT THE HELL?

I feel like I just got home and everything in my house is rearranged. What happened to Blogger?

2:57 PM

Monday, June 16, 2003


GLOOM LIFTING

Deadlines looming, mid-glooming, but more soon. In the meantime, maybe you should read Tony Pierce's blog. It's a little tough to follow today, but I like that about it.

12:17 PM

Thursday, June 12, 2003


GLOOMSDAYS OF HEAVEN

This June Gloom is excessive. It's the summer, for christsakes, but it could be any time of year at all. I have to say, the green trees and wet breezes of North Carolina seem like heaven right now.

While we're on the subject of heaven, I'd like to take this opportunity to strongly recommend "The Thin Red Line." It's odd to me how few people have seen this film given how tremendously good it is. What's wrong with people anyway? Is it all those genetically engineered mutant vegetables they eat, or is it the way Mommy looked at them funny when they talked about testing God to see if He really is All Powerful? Was it the fact that they were only 7 at the time and Mommy didn't know what omnipotent meant? Or is it the cheese sticks at TGIF's, or the antibacterial soap they bathe in every five minutes?

Not that I'm any better than people. A few weeks ago, I drove about 20 minutes to get to an El Torito, then spent $30 on one of those margaritas the size of your head, some kind of absurd, glorified combination taco platter, and that fresh guacamole they make at your table. I sat there and got drunk and full on guacamole, reading some book and then just pretending to read while eavesdropping on the family next to me. The daughter was on a major diet and the mother kept telling her she looked great. The daughter had a voice like Betty Boop - more like Melanie Griffith, actually - but she looked sort of heavy-set and normal. Her life seemed a little sad, but other people's lives often do, from the outside looking in. Her father asked her when she might be thinking about having a kid or two. I felt like leaning in and grabbing his collar and saying, "Get off her case, buddy, can't you see she's working on whittling down that massive can of hers first, then she'll look for the guy? Jesus, can't a girl get a moment of peace? She passed on the corn tortillas, for fuck's sake. Isn't ANYTHING GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?"

My parents didn't fuck with me too much, so no, I'm not projecting. The point is, I'm no better than people. Anyone willing to drive almost half an hour to get to a chain restaurant clearly has no shame. But it was worth it.

1:26 PM

Wednesday, June 11, 2003


GRAY MATTER

I'm giving myself an hour to finish this piece. Otherwise, it could linger on forever, like a memory or a pretty girl - more like a bad memory or a pretty girl who slept with your best friend. I like this thing just fine so far, but it needs a little kick in its step. If it doesn't make you grit your teeth a little, what's it worth? Amuse, provoke, disturb, entertain. Get a laugh by knocking over the apple cart. A trip through the park, a kick in the can. Assume too much about your reader. Put words in their mouths, then commiserate. Confide, then move on to your next guest.

No, I don't believe any of this. So kind of you to ask, though!

Sometimes I wish I had more pretension within my grasp. After all, pretension and courage of conviction are almost indistinguishable. It can't be good to constantly undercut your own initiatives. Better to preen and parade around like a fucking jackass than to craft a shiny protective shell of irreproachability via word games. What a waste, to be beyond reproach, but only through clever turns of phrase and rhetorical disguises. Better to be utterly vulnerable. Thrown to the wolves, but still unconcerned.

Hey, that's pretty pretentious right there! A promising start.

10:14 AM

Sunday, June 08, 2003


PICTURE THIS

Your husband is having an affair with Nicole Kidman, and The London Free Press is predicting that you'll attempt suicide. Sounds fun, huh?

Is Nicole paybacking it forward? Did Penelope burp cutely on her TV screen one evening, sending her over the edge and into the arms of another pretty boy? With the current oversaturated state of celebrity culture, the only thing that's still interesting about stars is their suffering.

1:47 PM

Friday, June 06, 2003


SPACE OUT

My space bar is sticking and it's driving me insane. Has anyone else had this problem with Titanium Powerbook G4 before? Anyone know what the solution is? Maybe the little plastic springs are worn out, and I can get them replaced? Help me.

1:57 PM


SUNSHINEY DAY

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all the obstacles in my way. The first obstacle in my way is a dead battery in my car. The second obstacle in my way is a space bar that keeps sticking so that everyother word comes out likethis. On some days, I might take a very conservative, practical approach to such problems, but today I feel like throwing money, the great elixir, at these problems, even though I'm basically scraping by thanks to expensive mole removals (atypical mole, not a melanoma, by the way).

(Do I need to mention again that melanomas are frightening things that kill you quickly and efficiently? I had no idea that skin cancer could kill you quickly with few warning signs, personally. I can't believe doctors don't encourage patients to get their moles examined every 6 months, to look for changes - when my doctor mentioned it a year ago it was the first time I'd ever heard of such a thing.)

Oh Jesus, a month off and she's going on about her goddamn moles again. You're going to have to cut me some slack, it might take me a few days to get my blog legs back.

Anyway, fuck moles, let's talk about throwing money at our problems, shall we? Is it not the Great American Way to hurl cash at everything from major emotional road blocks to minor inconveniences? Right now I don't just want AAA to come and start my car, I want to pay someone to call AAA and deal with the whole mess. Fuck that, I want a new car. Just tow that old one away - I know it just needs a good jumpstart but, how long have I had that thing? 11 years? Don't I deserve a new car by now?

Please note I'm employing one of the most time-tested tricks of the buy-away-your-blues trade, the "I deserve it" trick. Even your therapist will back you up on this one, mostly because he falls into the category of "Expensive Things That I Deserve." It's all relative. Sure, I feel justified in getting a new computer every two years, because I spend so much goddamn time with the thing. Other people spend too much money on other stuff, like clothes and cars, while I arrive sans style everywhere I go, outdated from head to toe in a dusty, dented car. Yeah, and some people eat grass for dinner.

Dear Ndugu...

10:38 AM



all contents © the rabbit blog 2001-2016




Site Meter


Powered by Blogger



 

 









me
columnist for new york magazine & bookforum, author of disaster preparedness, co-creator of filler for the late, great suck.com


my stuff
my author page
ask polly - ny mag
ny times magazine
bookforum
the new yorker
twitter
the awl
salon
filler



good stuff I wrote
little, green, different
mother of dragons
how to contact the author
the doctor is in
how to write
tech's bubble boys
legoland
dance, damn it
stop blaming jaws
pop starships were meant to fly
crazy women
the fun parts
one ring to rule them all
home alone
apocalypse now
aaron sorkin branches out
long distance runaround
50 shades of mad
dallas, new & old
twirling girls
abe the vampire slayer
the mommy trap
pa shoots bear!
sopranos vs. the shield
girlandia
lost in the rat maze
zombies vs. vampires
suffering parents
the dimbulbs of entourage
the divorce delusion
friday night lights vs. glee
game of thrones needs light
president trump
your highness
feel your anger!
nuclear experts weigh in
super-sized ambition
healing powers of the apocalypse
oscars & extreme ambition
beware personal branding disorders
lady (oh!) gaga
"hoarders" cured my hoarding
real brand managers of nyc
climates of intolerance
in dog we trust
faster, pregnant lady!
mothering heights
gen x apology
recessionary bending
expecting the worst
an excellent filler
more filler


press
paris review
the rumpus interview
emusic interview
nice nytimes review
newer laist interview
laist interview
la weekly interview
ojr interview
barrelhouse interview


some random old stuff
fillerama
hen & bunny
childless whore






RSS



write to rabbit, damn it!








archive!
october 2001
november 2001
december 2001
january 2002
february 2002
march 2002
april 2002
may 2002
june 2002
july 2002
august 2002
september 2002
october 2002
november 2002
december 2002
january 2003
february 2003
march 2003
april 2003
may 2003
june 2003
july 2003
august 2003
september 2003
october 2003
november 2003
december 2003
january 2004
february 2004
march 2004
april 2004
may 2004
june 2004
july 2004
august 2004
september 2004
october 2004
november 2004
december 2004
january 2005
february 2005
march 2005
april 2005
may 2005
june 2005
july 2005
august 2005
september 2005
october 2005
november 2005
december 2005
january 2006
february 2006
march 2006
april 2006
may 2006
june 2006
july 2006
august 2006
september 2006
october 2006
november 2006
december 2006
january 2007
february 2007
march 2007
april 2007
may 2007
june 2007
july 2007
august 2007
september 2007
october 2007
november 2007
december 2007
january 2008
february 2008
march 2008
april 2008
may 2008
june 2008
july 2008
august 2008
september 2008
october 2008
november 2008
december 2008
january 2009
february 2009
march 2009
april 2009
may 2009
june 2009
july 2009
august 2009
september 2009
october 2009
november 2009
december 2009
january 2010
february 2010
march 2010
april 2010
may 2010
june 2010
july 2010
august 2010
september 2010
october 2010
november 2010
december 2010
january 2011
february 2011
march 2011
april 2011
may 2011
june 2011
july 2011
august 2011
september 2011
october 2011
november 2011
january 2012











color rabbit illustration
by terry colon

rabbit girl illustration
by terry colon
with assembly by
jay anderson

white rabbit illustration
by loretta lopez






all letters to the rabbit become the property of the rabbit blog