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Saturday, March 21, 2009


It's official: "Battlestar Galactica" is the Algernon of TV shows. It started out stupid, with Lorne Greene, banished from the wide open fields of "Bonanza" to float around in space with some red-eyed behemoths, a plucky kid and a robot dog. Reimagined as a soapy suspense thriller for SciFi, "Battlestar Galactica" was transformed into a smart, gripping exploration of the sociopolitical dynamics of a wayward tribe of survivors, searching for a home in a hostile universe. But by last night's series finale, "Battlestar" had returned to its original moronic state, its lead characters condemned to wandering in wide open fields, contemplating procreation with australopithecus, and asking each other, "So, what are you going to do now?"

You see, after a hokey stand-off with the eeevil contingent of Cylons led by Cavill, the survivors jumped away and immediately found Earth. They all agreed (for the first time ever) that the best course of action would be to send their ships into the nearest sun (Bad technology, made them do bad things!) then scatter themselves across the planet, where they'll... farm and stuff. Instead of sticking around with his son and Tigh, his best friend of 30-odd years, Bill Adama resolves to live in a little cabin with President Roslin. She dies on the way there -- bummer! -- but he's still determined to, you know, grow beets and shit. Maybe he'll find himself a nice hominid wife and they'll live happily ever after, grunting and gesturing at each other, or at least for a few months until Adama cuts himself on a branch and dies from the subsequent infection. On the bright side, he could get eaten by wolves before then! At least he won't have to contemplate just how stupid it was to leave all of the big weapons and the antibiotics back on Galactica, then send it straight toward the sun.

But it all wraps up so perfectly, see? We're all the descendants of a bunch of halfwits and their half-ape lovers. And what proves that better than the "Battlestar Galactica" finale itself?

10:13 AM

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columnist for new york magazine & bookforum, author of disaster preparedness, co-creator of filler for the late, great suck.com

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gen x apology
recessionary bending
expecting the worst
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